Lucy the Duffer
by abbyepic
Summary: "Tonight, I'm going to get drunk in the hopes that I pass out and that I don't wake up until he's after gone, because I'm afraid that I don't, I'll just fall at his feet and beg him not to leave me." One-sided Lucy/Lysander drabble.


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. **

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><p>I've never done anything like this before. I'm eighteen years old and I've never even considered doing anything like this. We all had shots when Professor Slughorn died, all of us in the Slug Club, at least, because apparently that's what you do when a great wizard dies. I don't really like firewhiskey; it doesn't taste that good and it burns when it goes down and it smells horrible. Besides, I'm a Hufflepuff and we don't do things like this because we've got too much common sense and goody-two-shoes-ness and some other stuff that I forget. What <em>would<em> Anna Macmillan say if she saw me right now?

I laugh at the thought and ask the bartender for another drink. I've never been in here before; it's some trendy new bar in Diagon Alley, and I don't even know the name of the place. I don't know any one here. I would have gone to the Leaky Cauldron, but if I did that, Mrs. Longbottom would find out and tell Alice, and Alice would tell Molly, and Molly would tell Dad, and Dad just can't find out about this. Oh, he would be _so_ disappointed in me. Of course, I've _always_ been the disappointing one, haven't I? I haven't done anything right in my entire life. I'm a duffer. That's why I'm a Hufflepuff, right? Because I'm just a duffer who can_ never_ do anything right.

Molly was always the smart one. If I had been Molly instead of Lucy, I wouldn't have to do this. If I had been Molly instead of Lucy, I would know a better way to solve my problem than something like this. I wish I was Molly. No, wait, I wish I was Roxanne. Roxie's the brave one. If I had been Roxie, I would have been brave enough to tell him how I feel about him instead of doing something like this. Oh, no, I want to be Lily. Lily's the one who understands people so well. If I had been Lily, I would have known never to introduce Lysander to Uncle Charlie. Or maybe I should have been Dominique or Victoire or Rose, since all of them are so beautiful. If I had been one of them, I would be so beautiful that Lysander would never want to leave me.

Well, I guess that it doesn't really matter who I would rather be, because I'm stuck being Lucy the duffer. Lucy the duffer isn't smart or brave or beautiful and doesn't understand people well. Lucy doesn't know what to do. This is the best plan that Lucy has.

Tomorrow, my best friend Lysander is leaving for Romania. He's going to work with Charlie at the dragon reserve, just like he always wanted. He'll research them for his whole life, just like Uncle Charlie, and he'll become a huge authority on dragons. He's going to be respected and famous, and no one will ever look at him and remark that he's just as crazy as his parents. No, that's never going to happen again. It'll be just like he always wanted.

I'll see him every other year at Christmas and at funerals and maybe he'll even come home for a few weddings every once in a while. And maybe, if all goes well, he'll never realize just how much I've always loved him. He'll break my heart without ever knowing that I gave it to him. And I can't let him know about it, either, because I don't know what's scarier: the thought that he might reject me and leave anyway or the thought that he might actually love me back and stay and give up on his dreams because of me. I love him too much to let that happen.

James and Fred always talk about drowning problems with firewhiskey. I hope that this works.

I hear myself laugh again, and I almost slide off the barstool. Tonight, I'm going to get drunk in the hopes that I'll pass out and not wake up until after he's gone. It's the only thing to do, really. If I don't, I'm afraid that I'll run after him and just fall at his feet and beg him not to leave me. Maybe I'm just Lucy the duffer, but I'm not the duffer who's going to mess up this time.

I down the shot and demand another one.

No, not this time.

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><p><strong>Meh, just something that popped into my head.<strong>


End file.
